It’s a new year and I am feeling like myself again. It’s been years since I have written on this blog. I’ve been gone healing. My husband of almost 30 years unexpectedly passed away.
We were happily married and he was my best friend and biggest supporter. It’s been four years since he passed away and a lot has happened. I sold our home and moved closer to our only son. I have started teaching again after a year off. I’m teaching at a charter arts-based 7-12 school and I am the 8-12 art instructor. I am navigating my current students through a Choice-Based Art program. I am learning a lot about how to rebuild my life and how to rebuild and implement my Choice Art practice in a program that was teacher-directed. I had a very strong and successful Choice Art program at my prior school. I had a small art studio, limited storage, but great resources. I currently have an amazing studio space, great storage, but limited resources. I am learning a lot about myself and how to deliver the quality program I am used to delivering to my art students.
Personally, I have undergone a great transformation. I value things differently. I was broken into a billion pieces after my husband passed away. Everything I knew was gone, all the plans we made disappeared. I am an artist but I couldn’t create anymore. My artwork was always heart-centered and spiritual. When he passed away my heart was broken and I was lost. For a time, I could not read, write, or taste food, I was numb. I walked around in a haze and it took a year before I started to see the light. I relocated and changed my whole lifestyle. I walked 10,000 steps a day because it was the only thing I could control. Soon my two precious doxies, 22 and 16, passed away. Everything that was in my prior life was no longer with me. I fought through depression and feeling defeated. It was dark days but I am a fighter, I knew my late husband would want me to shine again and keep living.
I had a wonderful life and everything I wanted. This was my new chapter to write, rebuild, and place the people, things, and routines in my life that helped me rediscover myself. I briefly, had a fun and sweet relationship that proved to me that I could love again. I discovered new emotions and who I was becoming. I learned who I need in my life. My best supports have been my son and his wife and the strong women who are in my life. I continue to focus on bringing more strong women into my life. I developed a healthy exercise routine and a good diet. I adopted a sweet little doxie through one of my artist alumni. Tallulah has been a bright light in my life. She helps me navigate meeting new people with her happy adorable spirit. I get to love her and she loves and protects me.
This journey as a widow isn’t for the faint-hearted. I do not wish it on anyone. Discovering oneself after being a partner to someone since 18 has been eye-opening. I am not the same woman I was, I am forever changed.
I have slowly transitioned into a more secure individual with goals for myself. I have gained a tribe of strong friends. I am still building my community in the town I live in, and I am beginning to make art again. I am hopeful I will buy a home this year settle my art studio and begin my artistic journey again.
My professional life has changed. I maintain balance more than I ever have. I do give to my students but maintain clear boundaries and focus on myself. It is good to remember to take care of yourself. You cannot be good for anyone if you are not solid yourself. I love working with my young artists. They fill my mind with new ideas and they challenge me daily. I love seeing them discover, try, fail, and rebound in beautiful ways. This is what life will demand of them when they gain more life experience in the world. I look at my art students differently than I had before. I want to protect them from the harsh realities of life but at the same time, I want them to become self-confident and happy. I want my artists to know they are enough and the world can be tough but they are tougher.
I know this is an art education blog and I have been absent in my writings, but I do hope someone sees some value in this entry. I will try to write more about the implementation of Choice Art in my new school soon.
See the good in the world and shine the light for others,
Joy
Art Around 
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